Grief is a profound and personal experience, one that each person navigates in their own way. Supporting someone who is grieving can be daunting because it is hard to know what to say or do. The most meaningful grief support you can offer is your presence, not advice, platitudes, or attempts to fix things. Grief isn’t something that needs fixing; it’s a natural response to loss. Here’s how you can truly be there for someone who is grieving:
Be Present, Not Fixing
The best gift you can offer to a grieving person is our presence, not advice, platitudes or silver linings. They don’t need you to fix them because they are not broken, they are going through a normal process that occurs when we lose someone whom we love. They need to be allowed to be exactly where they are on the grief journey for as long as they need. Every grief experience is different. We can’t make the grief process happen any faster than it should and cannot take away their pain, but we can be there with them, hold them if they need it and simply bear witness to their pain. This can be uncomfortable, but it is the most helpful thing we can do.
Offer Practical Help
Ask the grieving person how you can help, but don’t assume you know what they need. They might not even know how you can be helpful in the beginning, so keep asking. Offer to take on simple tasks that might seem overwhelming to them, such as walking the dog, mowing the lawn, or bringing in groceries. These small acts of kindness can make a significant difference. Remember to check back in repeatedly, not just in the first few weeks, but over the long term. Be mindful that special days—such as anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays—can be particularly hard for them, and your support will be needed more than ever during these times.
Nice Things to Do for Someone Who is Grieving
Supporting someone who is grieving often means taking care of the daily tasks they might struggle with. Offer to help with grocery shopping, which can be an emotionally overwhelming experience. They may encounter people who trigger their grief or simply feel overwhelmed by the environment. Taking them out for a meal, coffee, or a movie can provide a much-needed break from their thoughts. But most importantly, be willing to sit with them, allowing them to cry, be angry, or express any emotions they are feeling without trying to change or minimize those feelings. Validate their experience and let them know that whatever they are feeling is okay.
What to Say (and Not to Say)
Knowing what to say to someone who is grieving can be challenging. There are many well-meaning phrases that can inadvertently cause more pain.
Avoid saying:
- “They are in a better place.”
- “They lived a long life.”
- “I know how you feel.”
- “I thought you’d be over it by now.”
- “You are so strong” or “Be strong for your family.”
- “Time heals everything.”
- “God never gives you more than you can handle.”
Instead, say:
- “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
- “I don’t know what to say, but I can listen.”
- “I can’t possibly understand how you feel, but I am here.”
- “We think of him/her often.”
- “My favorite memory of your loved one is ______________.”
- “You can talk to me about ____________ anytime.”
- “You don’t have to talk; I will just sit here with you.”
Beautiful Condolence Quotes
When words fail, a heartfelt quote can express what you feel and offer some comfort. Here are several that might resonate:
- “I hope that, even though your world is so dark right now, you are soon able to see some light in the memories you had with your loved one.”
- “Wishing you strength for today and hope for tomorrow.”
- “Please accept my sincerest condolences and know that I am here for you.”
- “May you be comforted by the outpouring of love surrounding you.”
- “No words can describe how sorry I am for your loss. Please accept our deepest sympathy.”
Resources for How to Support Someone Who is Grieving
Supporting someone through grief can be challenging, and it’s helpful to have resources to guide you. Following are grief support resources, including insightful books, websites, and organizations that offer support for those helping a grieving friend or family member.
Books
“The Grief Recovery Handbook” by John W. James and Russell Friedman
- This book offers step-by-step guidance on how to navigate grief and help others through their grieving process.
“Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy” by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
- Co-authored by Sheryl Sandberg after the sudden loss of her husband, this book explores how to support someone who is grieving and how to rebuild life after loss.
“It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand” by Megan Devine
- This book provides a compassionate approach to understanding grief and offers practical advice for supporting others.
“Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief” by Joanne Cacciatore
- A deeply empathetic guide to supporting someone through grief, written by a bereavement educator and counselor.
Websites
- Founded by David Kessler, this site offers resources, articles, and support groups for those grieving and those supporting them.
- This website provides comprehensive resources, including articles, podcasts, and courses on grief, tailored for those supporting someone who is grieving.
- Focused on helping children, teens, and families cope with grief, The Dougy Center offers tools and resources that can also be valuable for adults.
- An online community that offers candid conversation about grief and provides various resources for those supporting someone during their difficult time.
Organizations
National Alliance for Grieving Children (NAGC)
- A network of professionals and volunteers offering support and resources for children and families dealing with grief. They also provide resources for adults supporting grieving children.
- Website: childrengrieve.org
The Compassionate Friends
- A national organization providing support to families after the loss of a child. They offer resources for grieving parents, siblings, and those supporting them.
- Website: compassionatefriends.org
GriefShare
- A network of grief recovery support groups meeting across the world. They provide resources and support for those grieving and those helping them.
- Website: griefshare.org
Supporting someone through grief is about being there for them, not about saying the right things or performing perfect deeds. It’s about showing up, offering help in different ways, and being a consistent source of comfort as they navigate their loss. Remember that grief doesn’t follow a set timeline, and your continued presence can make all the difference in their healing process.
Partners In Care offers compassionate grief support services designed to help individuals and families navigate the difficult journey of loss. Our support programs include individual grief counseling, grief support groups, and specialized grief workshops tailored to meet the unique needs of those grieving. By providing a safe place to express emotions and connect with others who have experienced similar losses, Partners In Care ensures that no one must experience grief alone. Our dedicated team of professionals is committed to supporting the healing process, offering guidance, comfort, and hope to those in need.